Josh Billings
61 quotations
The best medicine I know for rheumatism is to thank the Lord it ain't the gout.
Men mourn for what they have lost; women for what they ain't got.
Be kind to your mother-in-law, but pay for her board at some good hotel.
Music hath the charm to soothe a savage beast, but I'd try a revolver first.
To enjoy a good reputation give publicly, and steal privately.
Pity cost nothing and ain't worth nothing.
A good place to visit, but a poor place to stay.
Don't mistake pleasure for happiness. They are a different breed of dogs.
It is better to know nothing than to know what ain't so.
Poverty is the step-mother of genius.
Remember the poor, it costs nothing.
I am a poor man, but I have this consolation: I am poor by accident, not by design.
Woman's influence is powerful, especially when she wants something.
Don't put off till tomorrow what can be enjoyed today.
One of the rarest things that a man ever does, is to do the best he can.
Most people repent their sins by thanking God they ain't so wicked as their neighbors.
Old maids sweeten their tea with scandal.
The best time for you to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust.
It's not only the most difficult thing to know one's self, but the most inconvenient.
Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute.
I don't care how much a person talks, if they only say it in a few words.
As long as we are lucky we attribute it to our smartness; our bad luck we give the gods credit for.
Wisdom has never made a bigot, but learning has.
There's a great power in words, if you don't hitch too many of them together.
As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.