Woody Allen
26 quotations
I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead -- not sick, not wounded -- dead.
I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.
I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.
Life is divided up into the horrible and the miserable.
I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had smallpox.
Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.
The lion and the calf will lay down together, but the calf won't get much sleep..
Marriage is the death of hope.
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she would come in and sink my boats.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.
I am at two with nature.
It shows exactly what you can do if you're a total psychotic.
Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.
My one regret in life is that I'm not someone else.
If you don't fail now and again, it's a sign you're playing it safe.
Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.
A Bay Area Bisexual told me I didn't quite coincide with either of her desires.
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.
Eighty percent of success is showing up.
Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.
I'd never join a club that would allow a person like me to become a member.
I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.
I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily as lying down.