Mark Twain
189 quotations
In statesmanship get the formalities right, never mind about the moralities.
Fleas can be taught nearly anything that a Congressman can.
Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
He liked to like people, therefore people liked him.
Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.
You can't pray a lie.
Few sinners are saved after the first twenty minutes of a sermon.
I find that principles have no real force except when one is well fed.
Prosperity is the best protector of principle.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
When you ascend the hill of prosperity, may you not meet a friend.
Prosperity is the surest breeder of insolence I know.
There are many scapegoats for our sins, but the most popular is providence.
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
It is a good and gentle religion, but inconvenient.
In his private heart no man much respects himself.
Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
Out of the unconscious lips of babes and sucklings are we satirized.
I refused to attend his funeral. But I wrote a very nice letter explaining that I approved of it.
Everyone is like a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody.
The most difficult We do not deal in facts when we are contemplating ourselves.
Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.
If you have nothing to say, say nothing.
There is nothing in the world like a persuasive speech to fuddle the mental apparatus.
It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.