Mark Twain
189 quotations
Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today.
I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up.
When we remember that we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.
Accident is the name of the greatest of all inventors.
True irreverence is disrespect for another man's god.
You can't depend on your judgment when your imagination is out of focus.
Between us, we cover all knowledge; he knows all that can be known and I know the rest.
A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.
The human race has but one really affective weapon, and that is laughter.
Laughter is the greatest weapon we have and we, as humans, use it the least.
Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.
To succeed in the other trades, capacity must be shown; in the law, concealment of it will do.
Never let formal education get in the way of your learning.
Never learn to do anything. If you don't learn, you will always find someone else to do it for you.
A wise man does not waste so good a commodity as lying for naught.
A lie can run around the world six times while the truth is still trying to put on its pants.
One of the striking differences between a cat and a lie is that the cat has only nine lives.
Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.
When angry, count four; when very angry, swear.
Barring that natural expression of villainy which we all have, the man looked honest enough.
It is nobler to be good, and it is nobler to teach others to be good -- and less trouble!
Be good and you will be lonely.
Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform.
Martyrdom covers a multitude of sins.
When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not.