Ambrose Bierce
83 quotations
Abstainer. A weak man who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
Absurdity. A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
Consult. To seek another's approval of a course already decided on.
Deliberation. The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.
Destiny. A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure.
Divorce. A resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.
Opiate. An unlocked door in the prison of Identity. It leads into the jail yard.
Duty. That which sternly impels us in the direction of profit, along the line of desire.
Egotist. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than me.
An egotist is a person interested in himself than in me!
Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age.
Fidelity. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense.
A funeral is a pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker.
The gambling known as business looks with severe disfavor on the business known as gambling.
Confidante. One entrusted by A with the secrets of B confided to herself by C.
Habit is a shackle for the free.
Happiness is an agreeable sensation, arising from contemplating the misery of others.
Historian. A broad -- gauge gossip.
Alien. An American sovereign in his probationary state.
Impiety. Your irreverence toward my deity.
Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify.
Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.
Laziness. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.
Learning. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.