Ambrose Bierce
83 quotations
Life. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.
Acquaintance. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
An acquaintance is someone we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.
Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.
A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
A man is known by the company he organizes.
Incompatibility. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination.
The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity.
Before undergoing a surgical operation, arrange your temporal affairs. You may live.
An accident is an inevitable occurrence due to the actions of immutable natural laws.
Convent. A place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness.
A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man, who has no gills.
Optimism. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
An optimist is a proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
Patience. A minor form of despair disguised as a virtue.
Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name.
Peace, in international affairs, is a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.
Politeness -- The most acceptable hypocrisy.
A lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves a glorious success.
A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
Physician -- One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well.
To bother about the best method of accomplishing an accidental result.