Groucho Marx
19 quotations
Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of ones fellow man.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception.
There is one way to find out if a man is honest; ask him! If he says yes you know he's crooked.
If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men -- the other 999 follow women.
One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.
Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
I worked myself up from nothing to extreme poverty.
Look at me. I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
Whoever named it necking is a poor judge of anatomy.
No man goes before his time -- unless the boss leaves early.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.